Emma

I am unsure from what it stems, but I have had a constant mistrust of doctors. I try to avoid going to hospitals, making appointments. The very act of calling in for an appointment takes me such motivation, I hardly consult once a year. It feels as though every pain in my body, is never quite understood. I’ll share with friends and family, trying to find similarities with their own experiences, only to be told the same things, it must be something you ate, you must be on your period, or again it will go away in a few days. It’s not that I think I’m dying, but my different pains, I feel, are not taken seriously, not that they necessarily should, there are bigger things to care about. I am quite skeptic of homeopathic methods, and it also seems, once voiced, only my physical pains are valid. This perhaps is the very problem of our system, where we believe physical things, rather than everything that can ensue that very problem. I am perhaps to aware of my menstrual cycle, and note that my various moods are not respected in my work space, which I imagine is the constant experience of being woman in a patriarchal system, but it weighs on me that I do not quite have the mental capacity to imagine how the system would be, if it weren’t of patriarchal roots. Even if I find myself content with the responses I get from my peers, it always comes down to the problem of the system or rather the methods that are used to get to a conclusion that seems too simple. I question if the very medical system at it’s core, can even be applied to women, it’s therefore difficult for me to express my feeling toward my health state, when I feel the very grounds are not meant to function for people like me.